Pediatrics #2

I'm getting pretty good at looking at ears -- I diagnosed a foreign body in a 9-year-old's ear today! When I looked at it with the otoscope, it looked like one of these hair beads:



But it was clear, not colored, just sitting in the ear canal. At first, I thought the kid had a bulging ear drum, filled with fluid behind it. But the position was all wrong, and then I noticed the very regular contours of the "drum," and the fact that it looked cylindrical. So then I asked if he had ear tubes -- although ear tubes are always a non-human color, like blue or green -- and the answer was no. So I stood up and turned to mom and said, "I don't want to scare you, but I just want to go on record as having said that I think he has a bead in his ear. I may be wrong, but we'll see what the doctor says." Mom was surprised, as was the kid, who denied putting anything in his ear, having any ear pain, or having any knowledge of anyone else putting anything in there.

So I presented to the attending and she took a look and said, "Yup, there's a bead in there." Victory! Score one for me! Told you so! (Ah, the best sentence in the world.) She dug it out and while it was pretty much the exact shape as one of those hair beads, it was about 10 times smaller than one, which just goes to show you how well those otoscopes magnify! We have no idea what it was -- maybe a part of a click-top pen or mechanical pencil -- and the kid still has no idea how it got in there. And to make me even MORE of a super student, his chief complaint was not at all ear-related in any way, shape, or form. He had a sprained ankle. I just looked in his ear because we were told to look at as many normal ears as we could to "get used to normal." Go me!

Here's how I sum up pediatrics: I have to wear a costume to clinic tomorrow. Seriously, people. We were told in no uncertain terms that we had to dress up. And that we are taking a long lunch and going out as an office, because "Mark's always likes it when we come in dressed up for Halloween." And the attendings have been talking about it nonstop for a week -- what they're getting dressed up as, where they've gone shopping to create their super-crafty costumes, what they're concocting for their kids' Halloween parties. Wow. I only bought a bag of Halloween candy on the pretense that we might get a child or two knocking on our door tomorrow night, but it's really an excuse for me to eat Snickers, Sour Patch Kids, Swedish Fish, M&M's, Starburst, and Skittles. These people are actually going all out, and pulling me in with them.

So what am I going to be? My all-time favorite go-to Halloween costume: a witch. Not too scary and not too slutty (it's a pediatrics office, after all). Black dress and cardigan, tall black boots, and the two key witch items I've owned for a few years: black hat and a piece of spider-embroidered fabric for a shawl. I knew there was a reason I was hording costume pieces all these years. The worst part? We have to go to lectures in the afternoon, where I'm sure none of the other students are being forced to dress up. And I'm going to look at a wedding venue after that, so hopefully I can uncostume myself enough to look like a normal human being again.

Ooh, maybe I'll bring Mojo to work tomorrow. Every witch needs her familiar!